Dear Me...

(and anyone else who needs it)

Get a grip.

Seriously. Enough of the bullshit.

Pull your fucking head in and get your shit together.

Every. Single. Time.

Why... Why are you apologising for feeling things? Why are you so hell bent on justifying yourself?

You are allowed to be hurt. You're allowed to be honest. You are allowed to be scared.

You are allowed.

Repeat after me.

You. Are. Allowed

I'm not here to give you a verbal beat down so that you feel worse about yourself and your situation.

You know where you went wrong, you know what you need to do, so why are you fighting it?

You know that overcompensating will only further inflame the situation. You know that the justifications and apologies mean all but nothing.

"But... how can they possibly mean nothing? I meant everything I said"

Because, Serenity!
Just because you're responding in the manner in which you would anticipate someone else to respond to a scenario, isn't necessarily how someone else is going to respond (and let's be honest here, you'd more than likely get your heckles up if you were on the receiving end of a neurosis such as yours) - so don't get so fucking uptight.

Let this sink in.

No matter what the relationship to you, how other people think and feel has nothing to do with you.

You've done all you can do, in fact you've probably done far more than you should've... But I digress.

This is your life.

You've been on this ride for 28 years. And you've been on the Pain Train with all your friends: Debby Downer, Angsty Ange and Anxiety Annie, for the last seven years.

For anyone else who decides to come along for the ride, they're going to take a while to get used to it. Lord knows that those three are obnoxious bitches at the best of time, but when you introduce the other Troublesome Trio: Lady Penelope of Pain-ville, Sleep Deprivation Suzy and her husband, Stuart Stress-man... Honey, you may as well just throw yourself in a padded cell with the "I-love-hugs" jacket, because bitches be cray... And by bitches, I mean you... You and all your friends.
You're completely out the gate, balls-to-the-wall crazy when you're dealing with all of that.

You had a freak out yesterday, and that's okay. As mentioned earlier, you are allowed, but let's rein it in and take a breather, yeah?

You have so much on your plate right now that you need to be focussed on, do not let this bump in the road completely fuck everything up for you.

Focus on the bigger picture. You set goals for yourself, don't let something that hasn't even happened yet completely throw you into a tailspin and screw everything up.

This junction is not going to be an easy one to get through, you need to be prepared for that.

But for fuck sake woman, stop letting your fears effect everything good in your life.

Stop pushing those closest to you away.

You always harp on about how that is your biggest fear... SO BREAK THE CYCLE! Stop doing it.

Are you really that blind to see what you're worth? That people actually care, and want to help, support and be there for you?

Why are you so damn scared?

You have so much to be excited and hopeful about, and literally the only person who can fuck that up for you, is YOU.

Famous last words

There are going to be a lot of good times to look forward to. However, we all know that, inevitably, with the good comes the bad.

But screw the bad. Don't fear the bad. If and when it happens, it'll happen.

Don't try preempt it. Don't try control it.

What matters is how you deal with it when it does happen.

I need you to realise your worth.

You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of laughter, and love, and compassion, and support when you need it.

You mean so much to so many people - so why don't you believe them when they tell you?

Stop projecting your issues onto those who are just trying to be there for you.

They are there for a reason.

They're going to frustrate you no end, because they force you to see something in yourself that either you haven't seen yet, or are actively avoiding seeing.

They're going to make you realise a few home truths which are going to be painful to accept.

Stop deflecting every compliment, kind gesture and gratuity afforded to you.

How have you not realised that you teach people how to treat you?

Stop complaining about how you keep feeling let down by people, when in actuality, you're letting yourself down by not accepting the incredible gifts that are being offered to you.

Yes. Yes, you are hurting. You have struggles that a lot of people don't understand.
But what you are not, is broken.
No. You are not broken.

You do not need to overcompensate for anything for fear of not being "enough".
You are more than enough, and it's high time that you start believing that.

As much as I am loathe to use this as a reference, remember where your name came from:

God, grant me the Serenity
To Accept the things I cannot change,

The Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference

Accept that you can't change the past, or the way people think and feel.
Have the courage to change the way you approach situations that make you uncomfortable.
Be wise enough to know that accepting what is and was; changing the way you respond to scenarios is ultimately where you will find your peace.

For Gods sake girl.
Just live. Be present.
You've got this.

Ovary and out,

S

xx